Sometimes I have nothing intelligent to say, and so I say nothing. (though this is rare, I'm almost ALWAYS bound to say something)...Sometimes, I have things that I THINK are intelligent to say, but after I say them, I find myself rethinking the purpose behind them. I mean really.... do I go on these sites and post stuff with the inner hope that someone will say "Hey, good post!", or "wow man... that was deep!".... am I looking for likes, kudos, props etc., only because most of the time I feel like a total failure and need reassurance from a bunch of strangers that I'm NOT ?
Maybe.
The reality is, I sit in front of a lap top, posting a bunch of bullshit, looking for ego-stroking. Sure, I can fool myself into thinking that I'm writing stuff that actually makes a difference or makes someone happy, or makes someone think... but most of the time I think I only do it for a pat on the head.
Because in my real life I am a stay at home mom, with two young children that often have me pulling my hair out. I also have three older children, two that are doing very well and still live here also... and a 17 year old son who I couldn't raise any more and had to send to his dad's recently.
I haven't graduated from highschool.
I don't know how to swim, and I can't drive a car.
I know sweet nothing about computer programming, and don't really enjoy following politics.
Yep, I'm spiritual. I am working toward a ministry within a contemporary Gnostic organization. Gnostic means to 'Know' to really, really know.. to know yourself... amongst other things... and sometimes when I look at how I spend my time online, I realize that all I do is avoid knowing myself.
The moon is high. It's time to sleep.